Krishnaraj, a dasa at the Oneness University, was asked about relationship problems. I've
transcribed below what he had to say about their cause and how to heal them (slightly edited for clarity and brevity).
His answers apply to all relationships--with parents, siblings, spouses, children, friends, neighbors, coworkers,
etc.--even the strangers you come in contact with throughout your day--as well as yourself.
--P. J., 5-07
How to Heal Relationship Problems:
A Spiritual Explanation
copyright © 2007 by Enlightenment-Online.com
When having relationship problems, you need to actually start opening up to yourself, because there is a very major part of ourselves that
we're not aware of. What we have failed to see about ourselves is a major portion of our lives, and that has to be unveiled and has to be
experienced.
Amma Bhagavan's grace will help you unveil it and help you experience it.
People also must know that they're not being subjected to a punishment or some kind of mental torture. It is more like a healing process
to help them. This knowledge can help you to actually experience the whole process without resisting or fighting it.
Every time you go through a relationship problem, you actually get to see more of yourself. It's not that you're getting to see
something about the other person, you're only getting to see that side of you that is hurt, that which wants love, which wants attention, which
cannot forgive, which is not accepted, which feels rejected. It is these things that you are getting to see about yourself when going
through a relationship problem.
It is something that you have to process through, otherwise how long can this be kept swept under the carpet--how long can this be
suppressed? You have to let Divine Grace put you through this.
Please know full well that you are not being judged or condemned by the Divine when you're being put through such a process. You are
only being helped. This is a healing process to help you grow in relationship with the Divine, and grow in love and joy.
As you start accepting all this within yourself, you are truly finally accepting the other person also. All of us tend to think that
talking with the other person, or reasoning with them, or applying some principle is going to help us. That is not the truth. You can
only know and accept the resistance you have to that relationship.
When you say you have a relationship problem, please understand that you are not having a problem with the relationship or the other person,
you are only having a problem within yourself. You are only having a problem accepting all this reality about yourself--that you may be a
person who craves attention, who has still not forgiven, who feels guilty about your past, or who is unable to stop hating someone, etc.
The other person is immaterial, and who he or she is isn't what is making you uncomfortable. How you experience him or her within you is
the cause of your relationship problem. And that is what has to be experienced. So in every crisis you are only getting to see more
of yourself. It has nothing to do with the other person.
As you start facing the truth of your own resistance, it starts the melting of it under the heat of your awareness.
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What others have said about this article--
"Have thought all day on the relationship teachings, and feel more
free."
"What Krishnaraj has to say is right on!"
"I know the relationship issues are within me, but it does hurt though. My
resistance is slow to leave and be understood.
You may add your own comments by e-mailing us here.
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Also be sure to see Bhagavan's video where he speaks about love and relationships.
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