Krishnaraj, a dasa
at the Oneness University, was asked
about relationship problems. I've transcribed below
what he had to say about their cause and how to heal them
(slightly edited for
clarity and brevity).
His answers apply to
all relationships--with parents, siblings, spouses,
children, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc.--even the strangers
you come in contact with throughout your day--as well as
yourself.
--P. J.,
5-07
How to Heal Relationship Problems:
A Spiritual Explanation
copyright ©
2007-2010 by Enlightenment-Online.com
When having relationship problems, you need to actually start
opening up to yourself, because there is a very major part of
ourselves that we're not aware of. What we have failed to see
about ourselves is a major portion of our lives, and that has to be
unveiled and has to be experienced.
Amma Bhagavan's grace will help you unveil it and help you
experience it.
People also must know that they're not being subjected to a
punishment or some kind of mental torture. It is more like a
healing process to help them. This knowledge can help you to
actually experience the whole process without resisting or fighting
it.
Every time you go through a relationship problem, you actually
get to see more of yourself. It's not that you're getting to
see something about the other person, you're only getting to see
that side of you that is hurt, that which wants love, which wants
attention, which cannot forgive, which is not accepted, which feels
rejected. It is these things that you are getting to see
about yourself when going through a relationship problem.
It is something that you have to process through, otherwise
how long can this be kept swept under the carpet--how long can this
be suppressed? You have to let Divine Grace put you through
this.
Please know full well that you are not being judged or condemned
by the Divine when you're being put through such a process.
You are only being helped. This is a healing process to help
you grow in relationship with the Divine, and grow in love and
joy.
As you start accepting all this within yourself, you are truly
finally accepting the other person also. All of us tend to
think that talking with the other person, or reasoning with them,
or applying some principle is going to help us. That is not
the truth. You can only know and accept the resistance you
have to that relationship.
When you say you have a relationship problem, please understand
that you are not having a problem with the relationship or the
other person, you are only having a problem within yourself.
You are only having a problem accepting all this reality about
yourself--that you may be a person who craves attention, who has
still not forgiven, who feels guilty about your past, or who is
unable to stop hating someone, etc.
The other person is immaterial, and who he or she is isn't what
is making you uncomfortable. How you experience him or her
within you is the cause of your relationship problem. And
that is what has to be experienced. So in every crisis you
are only getting to see more of yourself. It has nothing to
do with the other person.
As you start facing the truth of your own resistance, it starts
the melting of it under the heat of your awareness.
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What others have said about this
article--
"Have thought all day on the relationship
teachings, and feel more free."
"What Krishnaraj has to say is right
on!"
"I know the relationship issues are within
me, but it does hurt though. My resistance is slow to leave
and be understood.
You may add your
own comments by e-mailing us here.
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Also be sure to see Bhagavan's video where he speaks about
love and relationships.
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